How Come?
When the Good Lord ordained all the nations
and sundered the East from the West,
and created the Us’s and Thems’s,
how come Thems’s got everything best?
How come France got the foie gras and vineyards,
and langoustines, French bread and Cannes,
when all we got was sliced-white and winkles,
and skin that goes pink and won’t tan?
And how come the Yanks got the Movies,
and Glamour, and bagels-and-lox,
while we got boiled cabbage and kippers,
and sandals to wear with beige socks?
And okay, the Swedes with raw herrings
might feel they were thoroughly conned,
but they got free-love and no guilt-trips,
and are good-looking, blue-eyed and blond.
And everyone loves the Italians,
who can sing and are super in bed:
while the Dutch - who are slightly more boring -
got tulips and cheeses instead.
So why were we landed with bingo,
and porridge and Southend-on-Sea,
when we could have had sunshine and sang froid,
flamenco and flings in Capri?
Divested of braces, and hankies
knotted neatly on summer-scorched hair,
we too could have sunbathed all naked -
and I think it’s JOLLY unfair.
